cin

 It’s been three years. I am not pretty sure if it is getting better. Probably not, I’m still painful, when everything come to me. Those days and night, Beaches and sunshine. It was not last for a long time even so much shorter than the time I used for missing it. Just like what my therapist suggest to do  I will just put it here when every time it comes to me  And also practice to leave it to God

 Santi def is a present that God gave me. We have so much different background and it should be really hard for us to meet and become friends. But life is fantastic, God is amazing.  We met each other in a country which is neither of our hometown, and we just hit it off. When I tried to get over the terrible relationship, he was there without any judgement and supported me doing anything I want. And he is always the standard that I use for choosing my partner.  I traveled to Bogota this April, that’s the best ever memories I have in my life. After the trip, I know our life will be very hard to meet together and it probably will be the last time we can get together. However, I just somehow have so solid faith that I know our friendship will still last and forever, and I will be the most special one for him and vice versa. When I encounter difficulties, fell frustrated, I can fully believe that he will say I am doing good and no matter what happens he is proud of me. And my...

 I hadn’t had  lose anyone and I had have meet my life long friend in the last two year spring, Melbourne. Things just happened, and I was busy and exhausted  last year. Regret and missing invaded me every now and then. I did not feel any fear even though I was suffered and made some important decision last year. My friends and my grand ma were there got my back. I came back Melbourne, after two years.   I still missing him and those days, nights, beaches even though just the common supermarkets. They all sometimes like weapons attacked me. And I miss my grandma. My life is not easy this spring in Melbourne especially when I got attacked by those old memories, and then I will so much more missing my her cuz she is the only reason that I feel I can be coward and step back.

 It does not work for my first try.  It’s a chaotic one anyway. Talking my grand ma and him. I sometimes cannot figure it out my sadness it’s for my grandma or for him. Or precisely speaking , my enormous sadness is because I forever lose my grand ma who is the one I can share my every lose and toxic relationship and she will always be my side. I guess I can well control my tear now when I thinking about my grandma, but I still cannot believe things  just happened.  Again, my brain is too chaotic to keep going on ‘ I hope this time it can save successfully

  I am trying to figure out how it works, hope it works as the way I’m thinking. My therapist asked me to write down my diary , I used to write it down with another social media account which only followed by my two best friends.  I told them I just need some audience cuz I always need someone’s attention. So, I just selfishly get them involved in every difficulties I met, every relationship I lost, every sadness I had before. However, this time will be really different. I lost my grandma who is my best friend, my closest family. I barely have hope I can recover in a short term through share the feeling with them, so I do not wanna bother them this time.  I hope this website will work Let’s see!